When going natural, does your husband’s or boyfriend’s opinion factor into your decision on whether or not to big chop?

I ask that question because a friend of mine posted the following on his Facebook page:

“Black women across the country …who I love so dearly.. Has lost there mind. Ok go natural, I support it fully.. but do you have to cut all of your hair off in the process?… Please stop showing up to us looking like we are suppose to love it at first. That needs to grow on a brother.”

The responses to his post included some of the following:

From Women:

  • I understand where you’re coming from with that. Communication is the key! LOL!
  • Lol so funny
  • Yes you are starting a revolution b/c though I understand where you’re coming from in what you prefer. You’re offending a whole lot of women with this post! Lol.
  • I’ve never had to perm my hair so I can’t imagine what my fellow African American women go through but Ian what I understand from women is them moving away from the European expectation of what pretty is. Or what pretty hair is. Just say is your preference. Make it your issue. Not something that includes every woman! I say this in love, not trying to be rude or confrontational!
  • That IS a mess to see a chick with them bald-fades. I just got three syllables for that: DIS-GUST-ING!!! ~ But I do know some guys that just don’t like it all. Me, I’m going for a big Afro so it can bounce in the wind when (or if) I start running. LOL!!!
  • I agree whole heartedly! For some reason this whole “big chop” business seems to be a fad. I think it is not lady like and should definitely be discussed with your significant other first. A woman can choose to go natural without cutting off all their hair. It’s becoming a bit redundant to say the least. Hair is very much apart of a woman’s beauty….rather it be european hair or afro hair! In addition…..the small afro’s and chopped off hair does not look good on everyone. (My opinion)

From Men:

  • Bout time somebody said it
  • Dude Ive been saying this for over a year..My wife did that mess last year…
  • When they gona learn
  • My advice to a women.. you better do that junk while you’re single. So if a guy meets you like that, he saw what he wanted.. but if you are already in a relationship you cant surprise a nigga with that!

These posts were not altered or corrected for spelling or grammar so as to not alter the thoughts of the people who posted them.

Some people even posted about the European beauty ideal and that cutting the hair off was a Black power thing.  For me, nothing about my hair screams Black Power because I don’t have afro hair.  Besides, I am just not that political. In my opinion I think most people do it simply out of wanting healthy hair after having relaxer damage their hair.  At least many of my friends and acquaintances did it for that treason.

Is it valid point that if you come into the relationship with a certain type of hair that the decision to become natural should be discussed? Or is it a personal matter?

Personally, I DID NOT consider my husband’s opinion in my desire to go natural.  Not that I don’t value his opinion.  It just simply did not come up in conversation.  My hair was relaxed when Tino and I met. However, I only got relaxers about 2 or 3 times a year so he knew what the texture of my hair was. By the time I went natural, he and I were together for 6 years and were married for 4.  I also think since we had little girls and he saw their hair everyday, he knew what my hair would look like when the relaxer would be completely gone.  And everytime I asked him how he preferred my hair (when I would wear it in certain styles while relaxed) he would say, “I don’t care how you wear your hair.”

Also, for me I am a person who likes length. I always have been that way and I knew I wouldn’t cut my hair off.  My husband used to say to me, “Why you always getting your hair trimmed and you keep saying you want long hair?”  To him, getting my ends trimmed didn’t make sense. Of course I don’t know if I would refer to it as “I got my hair cut” or “I got my end trimmed”.  Maybe he wouldn’t have said anything if I had referred to it as the latter.

My last relaxer was December 2008 and by March 2010, I was comfortable with the amount of natural hair that had grown and I was fed up with the straight ends. I got a hair cut and here was the result:

All of the back is chemical free hair.

And this was too short for me normally, but I accepted it because I WAS NOT going shorter.

The very front long ends still had relaxer

I didn’t cut the remaining straight ends off until approximately Summer 2010.

But I digress. I said all of that to say that Tino, my husband had absolutely no bearing on any hair decisions I have made.  Its my hair and I have to carry the weight of it on my head.

So in your thought process of becoming natural, how important is the opinion of your man?

Be Blessed!!

*The title of this post is a play on words. Your honey (boo or significant other) and your ‘do (hairstyle).*